džulory ladžala

I am Rroma. I am džuvli (woman). I am dej (mother). I am pharnavi (light-skinned Rroma). Si ma god’i (I am intelligent). I am kadoři (strong and capable). 

[In my dialect the word for strong is male (zuralo), but when it becomes female (zurali) it means a very strong brandy or other alcohol. So, I am not strong like a man, but rather like a smooth glass of expensive brandy].

I am not here to be your meraki (enjoyment, pleasure). Nor to ačhav mand’e (remain silent). I am not xoxavni (impostor, liar) or mindžali (whore). 

It’s not my job to spare your feelings or placate you with lies.

It’s not my job to say the words you want me to say. It’s not my place in this world.

You can’t change who I am or how I identify with your snide hate comments and your overt hatred.

So dukhal tut? What hurts you?

Something must for you to send such hate-filled messages. 

Smetol tut? (Does it disturb you?) to know that we have loud and strong voices?

Naj dar mae (I am not afraid). 

Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get hurt, but thanks to my phejoři… iril-pe, I turn around, come back again.

I was rash today, for a variety of reasons I don’t feel the need to explain. 

However,

I won’t leave.

I won’t turn off anon.

I won’t give in to your khulalo ideas and words.

In the end of the day, it you who has to look back on your words and actions and live with them. Does it make you feel like a baro gomi (big man) to send anonymous hate? I hope so, because your life must be pretty lonely.